Ready? Rock, Paper, Scissors - SHOOT!

by Wade Tatangelo, Staff Writer
from Heraldtoday.com

You might have witnessed grown men and women engaging in hand-to-hand combat at local drinkeries last weekend. The participants would have been heard counting to three or screaming "rock, paper, scissors - shoot!" Arguments and other assorted bedlam regarding rules and such may have ensued.

Rock, paper, scissors has been used for decades - maybe centuries - to settle differences on the playground, in the lunch line and at the office. We all have engaged in the time-honored pastime. My method for victory is an initial thrust of an open hand signalling paper that I adroitly ball into a fist at the first sight of scissors.

My advanced reflexes and eyesight - plus years of experience - make me virtually unstoppable at rock, paper scissors. I have other tricks up my sleeve, as well. But those skills are for me to know and you to find out.

Whereas most of us have only engaged in rock, paper scissors to win the right to ride shotgun or gobble the last powdered doughnut in the bag; it appears the game is being used to decide grander conflicts. On one occasion, at least, rock, paper, scissors made its way into our great state's judicial system.

Judge Gregory Presnell of the U.S. District Court in Orlando ordered two attorneys to settle their dispute using rock, paper scissors last June, reported ABCNews.com. The USA Rock Paper Scissors League volunteered to sanction the legal proceeding.

"We will make sure that rock, paper scissors is not made a mockery by our legal system," USARPS co-commissioner Matti Leshem was quoted as saying. "When people take rock, paper scissors into their own hands, mayhem can occur."

Rock, paper, scissors "mayhem" is taking place at area watering holes over the next three months with a battle booked for 10 p.m. Friday at Badda Bing's in Bradenton. Bud Light and USARPS are holding the events to determine the 2007 United States Rock Paper Scissors League Champion, which carries a $50,000 purse. Local qualifying matches started earlier this month and conclude with the regional finals April 4 at Hooters Sarasota. The winner of that bout will advance to the championship held May 12-13 in Las Vegas. Showgirls will swoon and celebrities such as Wayne Newtown may be envious. To parade around Sin City as the Rock, Paper, Scissor Champion of the World will surely an unrivaled experience.

The matches kicked off locally last weekend with one of the tournaments taking place at the Gecko's Grill and Pub in Twelves Oaks Plaza off S.R. 70 in Bradenton.

"The Bud reps collected about 20 customers including a table-top of moms to play," said general manager Rendy Sweetnich. "It was wild. People, especially the moms, were hollering and you could hear it throughout the restaurant."

Wikipedia says rock, paper, scissors is played in the United Kingdom, Australia, China, South Africa, Israel, and numerous other countries across the globe.

Alas, it has yet to be used in the Middle East peace talks or to resolve the nearly bloody battle between Rosie and The Donald.

But we can dream.

"When someone uses rock, paper, scissors to adjudicate any kind of dispute, that is a positive moment for the world," the USARPS co-commissioner has said.

Wade Tatangelo, features writer/music critic, can be reached at 745-7051 or wtatangelo@

HeraldToday.com. His blog, "In Tune with Wade," can be found at http://blogs.bradenton.com.