John Clayton: Rock Paper Scissors - Just a kids game? Not when it takes you to Vegas for a chance at $50,000

by John Clayton
UNIONLEADER.COM

Ray Scott is one of the premier athletes in New Hampshire, hands down.

That's how he plays his game.

Hands down.

His game? It's Rock, Paper, Scissors, and in case you didn't know it, that mano a mano choose-up game from your childhood will soon be bringing some major mojo to the Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino in Las Vegas.

That's where they're going to hold the 2007 USA Rock, Paper, Scissors championship tournament next month, and Ray Scott will be there representing New Hampshire.

The burly retiree earned that right back on April 5.

After winning one of eight preliminary rounds held in prestigious bars and taverns around Manchester -- the very fine people who bring you Bud Light are the prime sponsors -- Ray then prevailed over a field of 32 contestants before a raucous crowd at the Derryfield Country Club.

And before you start pooh-poohing the social significance of Rock, Paper, Scissors, consider this. Just last year, Judge Gregory Presnell of the U.S. District Court in Orlando, Fla., actually ordered two attorneys to settle a dispute -- it had something to do with sworn statements in a case concerning insurance claims -- by using Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Forget about checkers.

Forget about chess.

When it comes to mind games, even backgammon takes a back seat to Rock, Paper, Scissors these days, and a guy named Matti Leshem was among the first to see the light.

Matti is co-founder of the stunningly official USA Rock, Paper, Scissors League. His love for the quasi-sport is laid bare in a passionate, tongue-in-cheek USA-RPS manifesto, and herewith, I offer just a small sampling of that important document:

"American players embody the ideals of Rock, Paper, Scissors -- aggression, cunning and intensity," he wrote. "Finally, they have the stage to showcase their mad skills. Annual nationwide tournaments will honorably determine the best RPS player in the USA, and bring on a new breed of elite athletes to make all Americans proud..."

I guess that means that we in New Hampshire can count Ray Scott among that new breed of elite athletes, although he doesn't quite look the part.

Rather than an elite athlete, Ray looks like what he is, a 64-year-old retiree. He also looks a lot like Santa Claus, which is why his performance in the New Hampshire finals had the capacity crowd chanting "Go, Santa, Go! Go, Santa, Go!"

He listened.

Now he's going to Vegas.

"The grand prize is $50,000!" he marveled. "I have a feeling I'll be the oldest player out there, because I didn't beat anybody over the age of 35 to win this thing. But, the people from Budweiser are paying for me to go to Las Vegas, so I figure I might as well go out there to win."

He has three weapons at his disposal.

His closed fist is the Rock. His flattened palm is the Paper and his split two digits -- think of a horizontal peace sign -- are the Scissors. In case you've never played the game, this might be a good time to lay out the rules.

Two contestants face off. After pounding their throwing fist into their open palm three times, both players then flash their chosen symbol.

Rock beats Scissors.

Scissors beats Paper.

Paper beats Rock.

The first player to win three points wins the game. The first player to win two games wins the match, and Ray could be a tough match-up, according to the guy who helped legitimize the sport.

"When you think about New Hampshire, you think about rocks, and in the national tournament, that could be a psychological advantage for Ray," Matti Leshem explained, and he was so dead-pan serious he could have been talking about nuclear proliferation or hernia surgery.

"When people go up against Ray, they'll know he's from New Hampshire. They'll be thinking Rock, Rock, Rock. He can use that. He can throw something else -- Paper or Scissors, for example -- or he can double fake them and throw Rock. My guess is he'll throw Rocks."

Ray's not saying.

"I know I should be talking about strategy," he laughed, "but I don't have a strategy. I can't be thinking, 'What's he gonna throw?' or 'Is she gonna throw Paper?' I just throw something."

One thing he throws at opponents is stage craft.

"I'm a ham," he laughed. "What can I say? I'm the biggest ham. I walked into the Derryfield with a sport coat over my shoulders like a cape, and my son Ray took it off me like I was a boxer. I had a friend put lotion on my hands and I was rubbing the lotion in, all serious, and when I got in trouble in one game, my daughter Samantha came up and dabbed my forehead with a towel.

"I worked in sales," he said, "and a lot of the gamesmanship comes from working in sales. The game itself is simple -- you only have three choices -- but hamming it up is what makes it fun."

He'll have ample opportunity for that in Las Vegas.

The national RPS tournament will be held May 12 and 13, and it's going to be taped for later broadcast on ESPN. Mindful of the television cameras -- and in an effort to generate crowd support -- many of the contestants don elaborate costumes for the tournament.

Given his resemblance to a certain jolly old elf, Ray's choice of wardrobe would seem to be obvious, but...

"I'm wrestling with the costume issue," he said. "I have a very nice Father Christmas outfit -- not one of those tacky Santa suits -- but I wonder about little kids seeing Santa in Vegas. What would I say to them?"

I'd say lay twenty bucks on Santa, but clearly, Ray is far more honorable than I am. He wants to represent us with honor and dignity and the last thing he wants is advice from an ink-stained wretch like me, but I have a gut feeling on this so I'm going to give it to him anyway.

After all, I'm a newspaper guy.

I say go with Paper.

John Clayton is the author of several books on Manchester and New Hampshire, including the recently released "You Know You're in New Hampshire When..." His e-mail is jclayton@unionleader.com.