2006 USARPS All-Americans Named

After weeks of studying game tapes and fierce deliberating, the USARPS League has announced the coveted 2006 USARPS All-American Team. This thunderous row of throwers is led by 2006 USARPS Tournament Champion Dave "The Drill" McGill. The Nebraska resident steamrolled through eight opponents in Las Vegas to rack up $50,000 and the first-ever USARPS League title.
"Everybody has a gift, and mine is Rock Paper Scissors," boasted McGill. "God gave me a gift. I'm a savant."

McGill's competitor in the title match, Missouri's Robert "Fast-Twitch" Twitchell, earned first-team honors after falling just one throw short of the championship. But with a masterful understanding of RPS and an amazing work ethic, Twitchell is a star in the making.

Another star making this historic squad is Kristina "Red Rock" Hartman, a Kansas City cowgirl with an IQ of 172. The Mensa member was the favorite going into the tournament after devoting decades to studying and training for Rock Paper Scissors.
"I have been successful in all aspects of my life, but being named to the 2006 USARPS All-American Team is one of the greatest accomplishments of an entire lifetime," gushed Hartman. "While Sports Illustrated wanted me to participate in their "Faces in the Crowd" section, I declined, because this is all the recognition I truly need."

After rolling through the first five rounds, "Red Rock" fell to a fellow All-American, Sandy "Rabbit Patch" Pinkham. Sandy and her genius "no-strategy" strategy hopped all the way to the elite eight while knocking off Hartman in the most intense girl-on-girl action in Rock Paper Scissors history.

The final player to make the USARPS All-American team is Florida's Jason "King of the Morning" Wood , who won the longest match in Rock Paper Scissors history, a best-of-500 marathon, to win a brand new 2007 Toyota Yaris. "It is a great honor to be named an All-American, especially among all the talented athletes that made it to the 2006 finals in Las Vegas," said Wood. "I think as an athlete it is more than training and focus, but it is something you are born with. Some people have it and some just will not." Wood also made a special appearance on MSNBC and crushed Tucker Carlson in a riveting Rock Paper Scissors match.
"I will see you in 2007 at the next National Championship. I MUST defend my world-record best of 500 throws and I would like to add a national title to by repertoire."

2006 USARPS All-Americans
Dave "The Drill" McGill
Robert "Fast-Twitch" Twitchell
Kristina "Red Rock" Hartman
Sandy "Rabbit Patch" Pinkham
Jason "King of the Morning" Wood